|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|||||
| Home > Divorce Q&A's: (sect- Starting a Divorce) > Dating During a Divorce | |||||
 |
Dating During a Divorce and Illinois Divorce LawThe Gitlin
Law Firm, P.C., Woodstock, Illinois © 2008
Q:Based upon your Q&A about adultery, I learned that other than giving my spouse the right to a divorce, adultery is not relevant. Doesn't this mean that I can date while going though a divorce?A:The legal and the practical answers differ. The legal answer is that you can date while going through a divorce. The practical answer is that you should not date while going through a divorce.
Q:Why are you against dating during a divorce? Is this advice due to moral reasons?A:The advice I give is for practical reasons. Divorce lawyers tend to put things bluntly. As part of a national program which I have co-chaired, one lawyer from Alabama used a term which I have borrowed. He referred to a “stupidity quotient.” He stated that this stupidity quotient is a measure of how much each time a party dated impacted on the total cost of the litigation. The cost of litigation does not necessarily depend on the amount of the estate. Instead, the cost of the litigation depends on how much is contested between the parties. My experience is that parties who feel wronged due to infidelity make the divorce process much more expensive. Thus, if you want to save money on a divorce, you will wait to date until after the divorce.
Q:Are there other reasons that you are opposed to dating before a divorce?A:Yes. It should go without saying that individuals who are going through a divorce are “on the rebound.” Accordingly, it is generally believed that it is not a good idea to commit to a significant relationship until after a divorce. However, this reason does not enter into my steadfast opposition to dating during a divorce. My overwhelming reasoning in this regard is my experience as to the cost of litigation.
Q:Well, isn't it OK if I am just friends with another woman but don't actually date her? My wife believes that we are dating, but we are just good friends. What is wrong with this?A:I tell clients that it is not the objective reality (whether it actually happened) that matters as to the cost of a divorce. What matters is the spouse's subjective belief (whether your spouse believes something may have happened). Therefore, if a spouse believes (even wrongfully) that you are dating, often this fact alone will increase the cost of a divorce.
Q:Aren't there other firms who have no problem with their clients dating during a divorce?A:Yes. The fact is that the approach of divorce lawyers differs as to this issue. For example of one web site which spells out the negatives of dating during a divoirce, click here. For the view of a divorce judge as to dating during a divorce, click here. For a Q&A from a mental health professional on dating when the parties have minor children, click here for an article from the Family Education web site. For a view from North Carolina (which has significantly stricter views as to this issue as comapred to Illinois), click here. My belief is that the best lawyers who handle divorce cases realize the added financial costs that are often incurred because there is a boyfriend or girlfriend during the divorce proceedings. The goal of the Gitlin Law Firm, P.C., is to provide legal services as cost-effectively as is possible and we have found that it is generally not possible if there is a dating relationship.
Q:But my spouse is dating someone for a long time now -- so why shouldn't I date during a divorce?A:For several reasons. Many times when a spouse is dating and you are not, that spouse may harbor feelings of guilt which may make him or her be fairer with respect to a pending divorce. Also some people have double standards believing it may be OK for him or her to date but it is not OK for the spouse to date.
The Gitlin Law Firm, P.C., provides the above information as a service to potential and current clients. A person's accessing the information contained in this web site, is not considered as retaining The Gitlin Law Firm for any case nor is it considered as providing legal advice. The Gitlin Law Firm cannot guarantee the outcome of any case. The Gitlin Law
Firm, P.C. www.gitlinlawfirm.com
|
 
Related Links |
 |
Home |
Who We Are |
Location of the Firm |
C.V. of Gunnar J Gitlin |
'Gitlin on Divorce' Online Research System |
Info:Online Research System |
Glossary |
Questions & Answers |
Divorce Links |
Other Family Lawyers |
Contact Us |
|
